Cheeseburger Backpack (episode)/Transcript | Steven Universe Wiki

Speaker Dialogue [Open on beach near Crystal Temple] Steven *sitting on a rock and singing* Hey Mr. Postman, bring me a post, bring me the post that I love the most. *stops singing as Jamie the mailman appears* Huh? *gasps and gets excited* My song came true! Do you have a package for me today?! Jamie Hold on. *opens his mailbag* Let me see what I’ve got here. *takes out a peculiar package* Did you order a loaf of bread with a stamp on it? Steven No. Jamie *pulls out envelope* Did you order a jury summon for R.J. Finkle? Steven That’s not me, I’m Steven. Jamie Oh, right, right, right, Steven! *pulls out a parcel* Here it is, Steven Universe. Steven Ha! *ecstatically* This thing is gonna help me save the world. Jamie Really? It says it’s from Wacky Sacks Supply Company. Steven Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl think I shouldn’t go on magic adventures because I don’t know how to use my Gem powers. Jamie …That seems reasonable. Steven But there are other ways I can help. Jamie With a Wacky Sack? Steven Exactly! Jamie Do you know how you can save my world? *takes out a signature pad* Sign here, please. Steven Aah! *writes his name and draws stars over it* Jamie Barb yells at me if I don’t get signatures. Steven That’s awful. (Steven’s house suddenly starts glowing from the inside.) Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are back! *grabs the parcel and runs up the stairs towards his house* Jamie Wait, Steven! What is a Wacky Sack?! [Trans. Int. Beach House] Steven *enters the house* Huh? Garnet *covered in feathers* Hello, Steven. Pearl Amethyst, we do not need that! It’s not going to fit in the fridge! Amethyst What? I got this. *slowly slides a tray out of the fridge, spilling a carton of milk and dropping a bag of bagels, and puts the giant egg inside* Look, it fits! Ha! *slams the fridge door, as a crack is heard from the inside* Oh man, We can make a big omelet, or a quiche, or big sunny side ups!— Pearl *unamused, and turns to Steven* We fought a giant bird. We’re only here for a second, we’ve got to go back out. Steven What? Why? Pearl *shows Steven a statue she’s holding* We have to place this Moon Goddess Statue on the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight. Without it, the whole place will fall apart! Oh, Steven, you should have seen the spire in its heyday. *projects a hologram of the Sea Spire* It was an oasis for Gems on Earth. It’s abandoned now, but we can still save it with this statue! Steven Wha? *eyes light up* That’s perfect! Pearl What? Why? Steven Because I can help carry it for you, in this! *opens the parcel and makes dramatic sound effects, as he pulls out a burger-shaped bag* Pearl A hamburger? Steven It’s a novelty backpack, shaped like a cheeseburger! Aww, I blew it. *puts it on one shoulder* I was just going to wear it one day, and you guys would be like, “Dang, Steven, that’s so cool.” But this is obviously important Gem business. Pearl Yes, so you should let us take care of it. Steven What? I’m a Gem! *lifts up her shirt and points at his navel gemstone* Pearl But you’ve still got a lot to learn. Amethyst So, let him come! It’ll be educational. Pearl Hmm, alright. You can carry it in your hamburger. *hands the statue to Steven* Steven Hmm! *opens the backpack* Check this out! Everything’s a pocket! Even the cheese is a pocket! I could fit a lot more stuff in here. Give me a minute. I’ll pack extra supplies. (Steven begins rummaging his house for supplies, such as a bag of bagels, two sweaters, a kite, an inflatable raft, and more clothes. While in his room, he accidentally steps on a stuffed toy. Steven picks it up and starts laughing and shaking it.) Mr. Queasy Ooh, kid, don’t shake me! Steven Mr. Queasy! *continues laughing and shaking it* Mr. Queasy Ooh, I got a medical condition! Steven You’re definitely gonna come in handy! *removes a first aid kit from his packpack and stuffs Mr. Queasy in* Pearl Steeeveeen, let’s gooo! Steven Coming! *walks down the steps and onto the warp pad* Pearl Woah, Steven, did you bring your whole room? Amethyst Back that “thang” up. Garnet Let’s warp. (A blue light beams from the warp pad but Steven’s stomach blocks part of it.) Amethyst Suck it in, Steven! (Steven inhales, pulling his stomach in, and the Crystal Gems begin to ascend.) [Trans. Int. Warp Pad] Pearl Do you remember how to do this? (Steven starts laughing and somersaulting in the beam, sticking his head out of the warp stream.) Keep your head in. *pulls Steven’s head back in* Come on. [Trans. Ext. Lunar Sea Spire] (The Crystal Gems arrive on another warp pad. Steven, still floating, falls on his back. They all turn to look at Sea Spire.) Steven Whoa, the Sea Spire! (The Gems sigh as a piece of the Spire breaks off from the structure.) Pearl It wasn’t like this a hundred years ago. Garnet I’m sensing structural instability. Steven Oh, yeah. *cracks start forming around him* That’s never good. Pearl Gah, Steven! *rushes towards Steven* Steven What? (The ground below starts to break off, Pearl manages to save Steven just in time, as the ground collapses into the water.) Pearl *hugging Steven tightly* Alright, hold on. We’re taking Steven back! Mr. Queasy *triggered from Pearl’s hug* Ooh, my aching stomach! Steven *leaps off of Pearl* Oh, Mr. Queasy! *takes the toy out of his backpack and shakes it while laughing* Mr. Queasy It’s killing me! Pearl Steven! This place is your heritage. I want you to stay and help, but you really got to take this seriously! Can you do that, Steven? Steven You got it, dude! *sticks tongue out* Pearl *unconvinced* Yesss… Garnet Enough, we have to move. (The Crystal Gems run up to the edge of a cliff, before Garnet signals them to stop.) Amethyst What’s the hold-up? We can clear this easily. Garnet No. The magic that sustains the whirlpool creates a vortex that will pull us below. (Garnet picks up a rock nearby and hurls it over. It quickly gets halted in its trajectory and pulled by the vortex.) Pearl So we can’t jump? Steven Oh, wait! *open his backpack and pulls out two sweaters* Amethyst What are those for? Steven *ties the sweaters together* They were for keeping warm, but check it out! (Steven whips one end through a hole in the Spire and catches it. He takes a deep breath.) Amethyst Steven! Pearl Wait! (Steven runs and jumps off the cliff. The vortex starts to pull him down.) Amethyst He’s getting sucked down! Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl Steven! (Clinging onto the sweaters which prevent him from being sucked in, Steven finds his footing on the side of the Spire and begins to pull himself upwards.) Steven Cheesssse-burrrr-gerrrr! *manages to land into the Spire unscathed, panting* Amethyst Steven! Way to go! C’mon, guys! *summons her whip from her gem, whips it around the same hole of the sweaters, and hoists Garnet and Pearl over her shoulder* Steven style! *swings over the vortex and ascends into the Spire the same way as Steven* Pearl *to Steven* Don’t ever do that again! Steven Sorry! *gets patted on the head by Garnet Pearl But it was pretty great. [Trans. Int. Lunar Sea Spire] (The Crystal Gems walk inside and look around the Sea Spire.) Pearl *commenting the structural damages* Oh, no, no, no, this is even worse than the outside. Ugh… that’s… oh! Oh, this didn’t used to be so— Oh, and the water damage. This pillar… Oh, and this had a head… Oh, Steven, once the statue’s in place, it’ll restore all of this to its former glory- *sees some creatures crawling around a statue’s shoulders* Aa-aaah! *summons her spear and slices the statue in half* Steven What was that goober? Pearl Crystal Shrimp. Amethyst You guys, we got a problem! (Steven and Pearl run up the stairs to Garnet and Amethyst to inspect the problem.) Pearl *sees tons of Crystal Shrimps and gasps* It’s an infestation. And we have to pass through there to get to the top. Steven *leans towards one of the Crystal Shrimps* Can’t you just squish ’em? Pearl *pulls Steven away* Don’t touch that, their shards are deadly! We need to clear a path. *projects a hologram Amethyst* Amethyst, if you go around to the side and disturb them with a spin attack… *projects a Garnet on the ceiling* And Garnet, if you move to the ceiling and strike this exact spot… *projects an X* then I can advance with my- *projects herself* Steven *interrupting Pearl* Bagel sandwich! (Steven tosses two bagel sandwiches onto either side of the room. The Crystal Shrimps proceed to swarm towards the bagel sandwiches, clearing a path for the Crystal Gems.) Garnet Brilliant. Amethyst Oh hey, what do you know. Pearl *dispels her hologram* Uh, uhh, how did you know that would work? Steven Well, if I were a shrimp, that’s what I would do. Amethyst *to Pearl* You are a shrimp. Pearl I just want everyone to know: my plan would have also worked. (The Crystal Gems proceed to cross the cleared path and climb the stairs. They reached the top of the stairs when-) Garnet *halts the group* Watch out! (The wall to their left cracks and bursts open, forming a gushing stream of water.) Amethyst What are we gonna do? (The Gems look at Steven.) Steven What? Me? Garnet What have you got? Amethyst *starts chanting* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! (Steven nervously searches inside his backpack.) Pearl, c’mon. Pearl Oh, alright. Pearl & Amethyst *chanting together* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Steven *pulls out an inflatable raft* A rafffft! *pulls the raft’s handle and inflates it* Pearl Steven, that’s so sensible! (Steven throws the raft onto the water. It quickly floats away and gets washed out off the side of the Spire. Steven, Pearl and Amethyst groan. Garnet proceeds to kick over a nearby pillar and uses it to form a bridge over the water.) Garnet Good idea anyway, Steven. (The Crystal Gems cross the bridge to the other side and begin to walk up another staircase.) Amethyst Yeah, they can’t all be winners. (The Crystal Gems slowly climb up the winding stairs around the Spire. They finally reach the top, and Steven stares in awe. The Gems approach a pedestal.) Pearl This is it. The Moon Goddess pedestal. *looks up* And the moon is almost overhead! It’s not too late to save this piece of history! Garnet Steven, the statue. Steven *sticks his hand into his backpack, but feels something missing* Uhh, I, uh, ah, uhh… *rummages the other compartments of the backpack* Amethyst What’s the hold-up? Steven *horrified* I don’t have it… (The Gems gasp in shock.) Pearl What?! Steven I must have left it on the bed! (The Gems turn to look at the moon as it slowly drifts overhead.) Pearl There’s… there’s no time… Steven Wait! *reaches into his backpack* I have an idea! *pulls out Mr. Queasy* Pearl Aah.. Amethyst Could that work? (Pearl and Amethyst turn to Garnet, who shrugs in response. Steven walks to the pedestal and places Mr. Queasy upright on the pedestal.) Mr. Queasy (A ray of light begins to beam from the pedestal towards the moon. Mr. Queasy is levitated off the pedestal by the beam. It begins to violently shake and explodes, causing the Crystal Gems to scream. The ground then starts shaking and cracks begin to form on the roof of the Spire. The waterfall around the Spire also starts to close in towards the structure.) Garnet Everyone, keep steady! (Amethyst collapses into Garnet.) Steven *watching the destruction unravels* No, no, no, no, no! (The Spire begins to crumble and falls apart, separating the Crystal Gems in the process. The whole structure collapses till there is nothing left but the ocean. The Crystal Gems then emerges one by one on the water surface.) [Trans. Ext. Lunar Sea Spire] Steven This is all my fault. I broke it. Pearl No, Steven, the Spire was falling apart when we got here. You handled everything well under pressure. You did great! Amethyst Yeah, two out of four of your ideas worked. That’s fifty percent. Steven Yeah. I guess you’re right. They can’t all be winners. (The raft from before pops up to the water surface and the Gems stare in amazement.) *cheering* Wooo! (The Crystal Gems all get onto the raft.) Pearl & Amethyst *chanting* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Garnet *glaring out into the distance* It’s a three-hour paddle home. Steven *retrieves a bagel from his backpack* Anyone want a wet bagel? (Steven sticks his tongue out playfully, as the star iris zooms in on him, ending the episode.) [END]


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